Posts Tagged ‘christianity’

Some Thoughts on Fetuses

August 27, 2009 15 comments

Ahh Reddit… a place where intelligent people go to share news stories, talk about current events, and discuss their ideas.

Oh, sorry, wait, there’s nowhere like that on the internet. Reddit is actually a fair representation of the Internet at large; a smattering of interesting, creative, and mature people mixed in with an ocean of petty, close-minded emotional children.

So it was to no one’s surprise that the largely liberal user base of Reddit produced this news-free story, which basically just served the purpose of affirming the beliefs of your average Reddit user; only cruel, stupid bigots look up to Sarah Palin.

Anyway, Reddit users aside, one comment in particular struck me;

“If he makes it into Heaven (& I doubt he will with his stance on abortion) I hope that God makes him babysit all the aborted children for eternity. God have mercy on his soul.”

But wait… if aborted fetuses automatically go to heaven, then shouldn’t abortion be a supreme act of giving? If aborted fetuses go to heaven, then having an abortion is essentially sacrificing yourself to hell so your child is guaranteed passageway through the pearly gates. And, if you abort your child, they don’t have to go through the tedious motions of life first*. In God’s Amusement Park, aborted fetuses don’t have to wait in line for the roller coast of Heaven!

Ok, another question. How does God prevent the fetuses from freaking out the other lucky souls who made it to heaven? Have you ever seen a fetus at, say, twelve weeks? They’re creepy. They look like little aliens. Really fat little aliens. And don’t even get me started on earlier weeks.

And what about the aborted fetuses who didn’t have time on earth to develop a central nervous system? Can they enjoy heaven without it? Maybe everyone who goes to heaven gets a spare central nervous system at the gate. Kind of like a divine party favor.

Well, I’m sure Jehovah can work out those little details, being omnipotent and all.

In any case, it has become clear to me the the moral thing for a Christian to do is abort all of their children. Don’t they want their offspring to go to heaven? Christians shouldn’t be picketing abortion clinics! They should be camping out outside of them, waiting for their turn!

To the people who have not left in disgust by now, I say; Thank you for reading.


*I do not find life tedious. But I probably would if I was religious.** Yeesh, so many rules!

**Okay, I realize that most religious people claim that life is full of wonders and joys. And I believe they are being honest. So, the way they describe life is a little surprising to me sometimes; I was once talking to a Jewish acquaintance and he described life as the grand hallway that leads to heaven and eternal bliss with God. Jesus, dude, don’t you get bored of walking down a hallway for seventy plus years? Apparently not, because this person always appeared to be extremely well-adjusted and happy. I guess anticipation IS the best part.


Ray Comfort; Shameless Nitwit

July 30, 2009 6 comments

Friends, I stand before you today in awe, in awe I say, of the unbearable lack of intellectual integrity I am witnessing. I am thoroughly convinced that Ray Comfort, well-known puppet to his own stupid metaphysical convictions, is not only determined to prove that he is a pathetic dunce, but also to cause me through his pitiable ignorance to spontaneously combust out of shame for my species.

I am watching a debate between Atheistic youtuber Thunderf00t and Way of the Master’s Ray Comfort.

If you don’t know what Way of the Master is, or if you don’t understand my contempt for it and Ray Comfort, please click that link. You will notice that the front paged video is entitled “Micheal Jackson’s REAL Cause of Death!”

FADE IN. Que dramatic orchestral music. Superimpose text over montage of shadowy Micheal pictures; “Micheal Jackson; the REAL Cause of Death!”

FADE OUT. Ray is interviewing a black woman.

RAY. (Holding awkwardly conspicuous microphone) So where’s Micheal now?

BLACK WOMAN. Y’know, I believe that Micheal is in heaven right now, having a dance battle with James Brown.

CUT TO another interview.

ANOTHER WOMAN. I know, right now, Micheal is definitely singing with the angels.

All throughout the video, there’s this obnoxious dramatic cello music in the background. Every few seconds the shot cuts away to something else, and the producers for some reason decided to super-impose images of Micheal Jackson dancing over half the screen every so often. And, judging from the heavy-handed application of effects that is present throughout the video, the producers are actually 12-year-old boys who just got iMovie. It’s like watching an amateurish Pirates of the Caribbean. With tons of black people. Did I mention that although the crowd clearly has at least as many whites and people of other ethnicities as blacks, Comfort interviews almost exclusively black people? I don’t even know how to interpret that.

Of course, the whole thing is a segue into one of Ray Comfort’s shpiels about how no one is saved unless they fall down on their knees and beg the Jewish Zombie God for forgivness.

Basically, this is a re-hash of all the other Way of the Master videos. But with pop stars! Because the heathen masses like pop stars, right? Now, I don’t know about you folks in the readership, but does this strike you as… oppurtunistic at all?

But I digress. As I mentioned, Thunderfoot recently persauded Ray Comfort to have a debate with him. Comfort initially refused, asking for a sum of money which he said was eqaul to what Richard Dawkins would get for a debate. I gather that this is Ray’s way of poutingly saying, “Hey guys, I’m an intellectual too!” It’s ok Ray. When you grow up and stop believing in Santa Claus, you’ll be able to play with the big kids too.

I’m not sure what happened next, but great justice was eventually served and Ray agreed to the debate. And so it was.

And so, to the deafening glee squeels of internet atheists everywhere, it began.

Ray’s first question to Thunderfoot is; What was in the beggining? Thunderfoot politely informs Ray that there is no good reason to assume that there was a beggining. Ray cuts Thunderfoot off to assert that while Thunderfoot doesn’t know what’s in the beggining, he does, having been blessed with special knowledge from the bible. Thunderfoot rationally points out that Ray has only stated his opinion.  Ray assumes a blank look and more or less rehashes his original question. Thunderfoot rephrases his answer. And so it goes.

Eventually, Thunderoot begins talking about physics in order to make a point. Mercifully, Ray shuts up for a while, probably trying to remember who Newton was.

Though Thunderfoot patiently tries to explain multiple times that Ray’s assumption that there is a beggining is just that – an unsupported assumption – Ray seems to have selective deafness regarding this issue in particular.

He also claims that we can’t create sand. Ray Comfort apparently really likes sand, because he keeps bringing it up and stating that we can’t create sand, rocks, leaves, etc; again making the assumption that all things must be created. I would have pointed out to him that although we can’t conjure up matter out of nowhere, there is a pretty impressive list of unusual elements that humans have learned to synthesize. Just to be clear, these elements are not naturally occurring on earth. Humankind learned to synthesize them without ever actually seeing a real specimen.

Ray also calls DNA a ‘Language’. Normally I’d appreciate the poetry of this statement, but Ray seems to believe in literally. Had I been present, I would have explained to Ray something called ‘Junk DNA’; huge portions of DNA that essentially amount to useless static. By way of analogy, if DNA were literally a language it would be as if the speaker were screaming incoherent nonsense words for 90% of the time, only occasionally speaking a few snippets of a sentance.

Here’s another way of looking at it; if DNA is a ‘language’, and therefore made by an intelligent entity, it was very badly made – as is much of nature.

Ray also likes to talk about how Man is the highest form of creation. Not humans, mind you – man. I guess if you’re going to be clueless, it doesn’t hurt to be sexist too. In terms of DNA efficiency, or percentage of coding DNA versus non-coding Junk DNA, pufferfish are actually far superior to humans.

Hey Ray, have you ever considered the possibility that God made all this cool stuff you continuously wax ecstatic about for some other animal? Or maybe God is really just interested in empty space. There’s more of that in the universe then anything else.

Sadly for Ray, the existence of Junk DNA is one of the predictions that can be made if one knows a thing or two about evolution. My suggestion? Don’t bring up a subject in debate that you’re completley ignorant about.

At one point, Ray Comfort puts big, red underscore beneath his babbling stupidity – which by this time completely permeates the air in his California studio – and suggests that salamanders who have recently speciated cannot mate with one another because they are infertile.

Yes, you read that right. So determined is Ray to deny the facts of modern science that he refuses to learn anything about it, resulting in unintentional hilarity. If you know a thing about biology, this is equivalent to a grown human being insisting that the clouds are not water condensation at all, but rather giant chunks of cotton candy being held aloft by merry little fairies.  Upon being corrected by an impressively poker-faced Thunderfoot, Ray makes a concession; He doesn’t know a thing about evolution, he just doesn’t believe in it.

It’s a subtle moment, but this is a remarkable deviation from Ray’s official postion on Evolution. If you’ve seen his infamous Bannana video, you might have gathered that Ray considers himself to be somewhat ‘in the know’ about how living things work.  He’s also fond of insulting his audience by bringing pictures to debates – apparently Ray feels that his people need a little visual aid to help them really absorb that gospel spirit – and claiming that they are a damning refutation of evolution.

Throughout the  Comfort vs. TF debate, Ray displays about as much understanding of philosophy and science as your average plastic spork. He appears to be immune to well-worded and consistent explanations.

Just so we’re entirely clear, I don’t hate religious people. I do not consider religious people to be ignorant as a rule. I find that most religious people I meet are pleasant, intelligent, and much better at board games then me. But only with religion can you display this level of pig-headed ignorance and have it be accepted, even applauded, by society.

My general impression of Ray is of a bumbling, well-meaning but dim-witted man who, somehow, fell into his current position of being a leader of sorts, and now has to pretend that he’s got the savvy to lead his rag-tag army of Christians onward. This is what religion comes down to; stupid men who are convinced they are right leading yet more stupid men into trenches. Onward, Christian soldiers.

If you’re interested, watch the debate. It’s good for some lulz.